


Objects in the Rearview Mirror

by Bacchus



Category: Naruto
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Character Death, Drugs, M/M, One Shot, Romance, Sexual Content, Slash, Tragedy, Violence, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-15
Updated: 2013-12-15
Packaged: 2018-01-04 17:41:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1083817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bacchus/pseuds/Bacchus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"'You're not alone', his best friend whispered, 'I'm here. I'll never leave.'" -Sasuke and Naruto grew up together, two lonely souls battling a cruel world. If only he had realised then how lucky he was -and that he was never truly alone. Naruto/Sasuke. NaruSasu.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Objects in the Rearview Mirror

**Author's Note:**

> The title of the fic 'Objects in the rearview mirror' originates from the song by Meat Loaf by the same name. I own neither that nor Naruto.

_The sun crested the edge of the horizon, coating the world in a dim glow of morning light, shining through the heavy mist. The air held a chilly edge, due to the early hours as well as the impending cold of winter. It carried the scent of the snow that was to come, grazing the frozen paths and frosty grass as a hollow breeze coursed through the dead leaves, making them dance and disturb the silence with crunchy noises as they ruffled across one another. The stones represented their purpose; cold, silent and solemn as they stood unaffected by the changing seasons. They littered the wide area –solid soldiers in an army of death, some massive and impressive, some small and nearly hidden beneath the blanket of dried leaves._

_A single, solitary man walked through the iron gates and up the gravel-road, a lonely figure in the icy dawn. He appeared as a respectable man; his thick, black coat well-made and the cane he used for support made form sleek wood. His leather shoes were unblemished and the black gloves were of soft skin. In his right hand he gripped the cane for support; in the other he clutched a large bouquet of orange flowers. Atop his head rested a handsome hat, hiding his face from view as he slowly made his way through the graveyard._

_A man of his stature seemed destined to continue ahead until he reached the larger, fancy graves and mausoleums. Instead, he turned from that road and veered across the smaller paths until he reached the part of the cemetery where the graves were small and plain, void of any excessive decorations. Most of the small stones were for one person only, and many were left unattended, overgrown and hidden beneath pine needles and dead vegetation. He finally stopped before one of the few that were still well cared for, the simple text still visible and the grey stone worn only by age and weather._

_The man looked down on it, his expression hidden by the hat but his increased grip on the cane obvious. He was absolutely still, seemingly undisturbed by the cold wind clawing at his coat as he lost himself in memories long gone._

\---

The small boy glared at his hands, raw from trying to scrub unforgiving ink off his skin. The school had already ended, but he lingered in the bathroom trying to wash away the colourful palette which had somehow clung to his hand since that morning when they had coloured their project-charts. Most kids were uncaring of how splotched their hands were, or any other part of them for that matter, but Sasuke was not most kids. He preferred to keep his pale skin clean –actually, he preferred to keep everything clean. It was bordering on an obsession, as he was well aware, and had he been older he might have identified the early stages of OCD.

He was very intelligent for a child of six, intelligent enough to realise that he was facing an unconquerable enemy in the mocking paint on his fingers. Angry at himself for not managing to keep the marker pens to paper alone, he gave up his tries to scrub his hands clean and left the bathroom, marching through the empty hallways of the school.

It was all the stupid dobe's fault! He had riled him up until he stopped thinking about being careful with the pens. The obnoxious blonde boy and he had been at each-other's throat since they started school and he always seemed able to make Sasuke see red. Today he had challenged the raven-haired boy in a contest of who could colour their chart the fastest –a ridiculous game since it was more important to make sure it was nicely done. Of course, Sasuke had won –and still managed to do it properly –but he had paid the price when he looked down to see his now multi-coloured hands. At least the he had won.

 _'In more ways than one'_ , he thought viciously, smirking as he remembered the dobe's catastrophic chart, and how their teacher had forced the blonde to stay after school to re-do it.

He sighed to himself, the victory seeming small and insignificant when he was confronted with the unavoidable task of going home. He lingered undecidedly by the school-gates, knowing that his parents wouldn't care if he arrived home late, but also tired from the day. His hands felt sore, the straps of his backpack digging in to them. Still, the thought of what awaited him at home made him turn away from the street leading homewards and shuffling instead towards the park that lay less than a block away from the school.

He sat down on the bridge which allowed people to cross the small lake, dangling his feet from the edge so they hovered above the surface. The park was nearly abandoned even though it was nearing four 'o'clock and Sasuke basked in the calm silence of splashing water and twittering birds. He could stay here for two hours at least, but then he had to go home lest he worry his brother. Itachi always arrived home around six or seven, and he had told little Sasuke that he had to be home by then too, or his Aniki would be anxious for him.

He sighed contently as the warm spring-breeze played across his face. He loved coming to the park, especially on days like these when the people were scarce and no one bothered with him. This was his own small world, the only time of day when he was perfectly content. He considered doing his homework –it would be problematic doing it at home –but couldn't bring himself to extract it from his backpack. Instead he sat there, staring down at the cool water and savouring the slight moment of peace.

"Hey", said a voice behind him. He tensed, he disliked it when people disturbed him during his safe hours, and he recognised the voice all too well. It was calmer than usual, softer too, a perfect opposite of the high-pitched note it adopted when it threw childish insults and empty threats at him. He turned to face its owner, scowling viciously. Uzumaki Naruto stood behind him, looking almost frighteningly different from the visage Sasuke had come to know. His blonde hair –so odd and loud compared to the dark brown and black of most other students –formed a golden halo around his head, making his blue eyes seem like deep reflections of the lake. His expression was serene and for once void of all aggression or malice. He had his tiny fists shoved in the pockets of his pants and stared down at Sasuke silently. This too was a first for Naruto, who seemed chronically unable to keep his mouth shut.

"What do you want?", Sasuke asked –perhaps a tad bit ruder than necessary, but his hands still stung from the useless scrubbing earlier. When the blonde boy didn't answer he raised an eyebrow –the way he had seen his older brother do on countless occasions, and turned his back on Naruto to view the lake again. The dobe didn't leave, however, but sat down beside him instead, staring out across the water with a thoughtful look in his eyes.

"You come here often", he said after a while. Sasuke glared at him, had the idiot been watching him after school? Naruto didn't answer the glare. "I pass by here on my way home", he explained, "…you look lonely."

"I'm not lonely", Sasuke replied instantly. He knew what loneliness implied; weakness and a need for others to pity you. He was neither weak nor pathetic! Naruto kept gazing at the water.

"I don't have a family", he informed Sasuke, who already knew as much –the adults talked about it from time to time, "but you do, don't you?" The raven-haired boy straightened his back, affronted. Of course he had a family! He wasn't some social reject! Not like… like Naruto.

"Of course, dobe." He answered scathingly. The other boy looked sad.

"You're really smart too… and everyone likes you", said Naruto dejectedly, "I really hated you at first…" Sasuke scoffed.

"Then don't talk to me, dobe." Naruto ignored him and continued:

"…but I can't really hate you anymore, 'cuz you always look so lonely when you sit here..."

Sasuke clenched his fists. He wanted to push Naruto in the water, wanted to rage at him for looking down on him.

 _'I'm not lonely!'_ , he wanted to scream, _'I have my Aniki! He's the smartest, most amazing person in the world and you have no one!'_

Something in the other boy's demeanour stopped him, however, and he kept still, boiling inwardly with rage at the boy who dared look down on him.

"I don't have many friends y'know, teme…", Naruto said quietly. Sasuke felt his anger falter a little.

"tch, I noticed, dobe."

"Teme! I'm trying to talk here."

"Then talk."

"It's pretty here", the blonde said suddenly. Sasuke felt like throwing him in the lake again.

"Yes?", he replied impatiently.

"Sasuke…", said the blonde, startling the black-haired boy. Naruto had never addressed him with his given name before. "…can you be my friend?"

Sasuke stared at him. They were enemies were they not? Didn't the blonde repeatedly yell that they were rivals? Which was of course preposterous since Naruto didn't even come close to rivalling Sasuke, but still. The dark-haired boy looked over at the blonde; somehow Naruto looked pitiful and small sitting on the bridge. He also refused to meet Sasuke's gaze, instead fidgeting nervously with his shirt.

 _'A friend…'_ , Sasuke had never really had a friend before. Everyone was always in awe of him since he acted so maturely, they were more admirers than friends. The only one who really seemed unperturbed by his intelligence and adult behaviour was in fact –Naruto, who instead challenged him any time he had the chance. The blonde, stupid, obnoxious boy was the only one who looked at him, at his character, his personality. And the only one who could somewhat understand why he sat by the lake nearly every day.

"Hn", he said, his mouth acting without his consent, "all right, dobe."

\---

The leaves rustled merrily in the wind above him, a delightful mockery to his defeat, his seclusion from the glimmering world of joy and normality. The air was heavy with summer, drowning him in the pungent smell of flowers in bloom and fat, happy vegetation. There were tears on his face –he knew it from the salty taste on his tongue when he wetted his lips. They itched, disturbing him during their trail down smooth, pale skin. His cheeks were burning cold, his soul a shard of ice refusing to melt in a violent inferno. He stood perfectly still; the heavy weight which suffocated him rendered his limbs useless. His hand still held the flimsy paper clutched painfully tight, as if he could undo what had been done by crushing the evidence of it. Of the betrayal, the deception, the abandonment.

 _'Why?'_ , it was one word, one question, but it was the only coherent thought his mind had been able to produce for hours, and it had been reeling around inside him, a constant repeat to remind him that he had no answer. There existed no excuse, no reason.

"Sasuke?" The raven twirled around to face his only ally and best friend of six long years. Naruto had grown since that day by the lake but he was still Sasuke's brilliant counterpart, blonde hair and ocean eyes glimmering in the summer sun. On both his cheeks –previously smooth and unmarred –he carried three thin whisker-likes scars; reminders of their shared past. He was staring at the pale youth with unconcealed concern, his hand half lifted as if to reach out to his best friend.

Sasuke couldn't speak, couldn't bring his lips or tongue to move. His throat was unpleasantly constricted and felt raw and broken. Instead, he slowly raised his fist, letting the crumpled paper drop from it into Naruto's palm. The blonde tried to smooth the wrinkles out of the arc as much as possible to quickly discern the words scribbled onto it. His cerulean eyes moved rapidly along the page, moving from side to side with such speed they appeared to morph into a blue blur. When they finally came to a halt the boy lifted his gaze to meet Sasuke's obsidian orbs, the same confusion and denial that he himself had felt upon reading the message mirrored in them.

"He left?" Naruto said softly, his normally boisterous voice subdued by the gravity of the moment. Sasuke nodded stiffly, managing to form words for the first time since early morning that same day:

"I'm alone", he replied scratchily, and the weight of what had happened finally hit him with the finality which only spoken words can accomplish. He was alone, abandoned. Left behind by the only person he had ever truly trusted, ever truly loved. The tears flooded his eyes once again despite his desperate attempts to keep them at bay and cascaded down his face with renewed force. His aniki, his only ally in that house, the only one who had made his life slightly bearable, his aniki… was gone. Forever lost in the mass of colour that represented the outside world. Outside that house, the neighbourhood, the tiny city, existed a world so vast and complex that Sasuke could not begin to comprehend it, and into that world his brother had disappeared, leaving him behind.

He felt something move against him, arms encircling him and capturing his own still limbs –Naruto… He leaned ever so slightly into the embrace, burying his head in his best friend's shirt. He still had Naruto, at least.

"You're not alone", his best friend whispered, "I'm here. I'll never leave. Never ever _ever_."

They stood like that for a long time; Sasuke crying and Naruto holding him. Finally there were no more tears, only emptiness and despair left to fuel the growing darkness in his heart. If his own brother did not stay despite promising never to betray him –who then would want him? He placed his palms on Naruto's chest and pushed them apart, glaring half-heartedly at the blonde.

"I can't trust you", he said harshly. It was the truth and it had burned in him ever since he first finished the letter; he could trust no one.

 _'Aniki… Is this what you wanted?'_ , he thought miserably, _'to leave me all alone, unable to trust even Naruto?'_

"Teme!" Naruto said sharply. Sasuke looked away. "Because Itachi left you can't trust me? When have I ever betrayed you? Huh?" The dark-haired youth stared at the ground. He couldn't help his feelings.

"Hn."

"Don't you 'hn' me!" Naruto growled, grabbing his shoulders and forcefully shaking him. "You telling me you're just gonna stop being my friend, huh? Stupid idiot!" Sasuke felt a sliver of familiar anger rising in him at the insult, but it was nothing but the shadow of a memory of what it used to be. With Itachi gone… Naruto's harsh words made no impact.

"I'm just telling the truth", he replied quietly, "I have no brother… and I have no friends."

"Then I'll be your brother!" Naruto yelled stupidly. Sasuke looked at him incredulously –he'd _what_?

"Are you a moron? You can't just decide to be my brother, idiot." He answered bitterly. He had no brother. Not anymore. His eyes burned. Twelve years he had relied on his brother for safety, and now he was gone.

"You're the idiot!" Naruto replied forcefully. "Sure I can be your brother, all we have to do is share blood and be together forever, right? Easy. We just have to do the blood part, the other one is a given." Without giving Sasuke time to stop him the blonde pulled the pocketknife he always carried around from his front pocket and flipped it open. In a flash he had slashed open the palm of his hand; thick, crimson blood pouring freely from the wound.

"Dobe!" Sasuke yelled; watching in fearful fascination as the blood dripped from the open hand onto the warm soil below. "What are you doing? You'll bleed to death!" This was of course, as even young Sasuke understood, an obvious exaggeration, but the sight of his friend's cut flesh he felt a surge of panic run through his veins. Naruto said nothing, simply extending his uninjured hand –the one holding the knife –towards Sasuke.

The young raven eyed the bloodied silver warily. He had seen the knife countless times before –he was the one who had bought it after all, as a precaution in case Naruto ended up in yet another hostile foster home. The blonde had taken to the gift with unexpected fondness, always carrying it with him and even taking it as far as to baptize it. It was named Kyuubi after the ferocious demon fox in a children's tale they'd been told when they were seven. Naruto had thought it fitting since the scars on his face resembled the whiskers of a fox and because Kyuubi had been the most powerful of the demons in the story and he was convinced that since it was a gift from Sasuke, it made him invincible.

And yet here they were, using it to maim themselves. Hardly the purpose of the purchase. Sasuke slowly reached for the knife and grasped it, weighing it in his hand. He was offered a chance, a way out of a life of mistrust. A new brother, a second chance to attach himself to another being. He slowly, numbly, slid the blade across his palm, watching the red of his blood colour his skin. He looked up at Naruto and saw the extended hand, bloodied and slightly twitching from the sensation of sliced flesh. One moment of hesitation, then he clasped his own scarlet fingers around it, sealing their wounds together.

 _'I will come through this, Aniki'_ , he thought fiercely, _'and I will become ten times better than you, and then… then I will find you, and I will show you what I have become. And that I've found a new brother…'_ , he stared into azure depths filled with determination and promise, _'…one who will never betray me.'_

\---

The evenings were still dark despite the warmth that had crept ever further into the late hours of the day. The imminent summer did not yet possess their world completely by lengthening the hours of the sun until they nearly eradicated the soft embrace of darkness. The air was light with scents of spring and their spirits high at the thought of less than two measly months until summer break. Sasuke leaned against the wall next to his best friend, sipping the alcoholic beverage in his cup carefully as his dark eyes roamed the scene in front of them.

The young teens of Konoha were gathered at the battered parking lot behind the old convenience store, too young yet to drive but ready to try the adult pleasures of drinking and smoking. Almost their entire grade was there, in various degrees of intoxication –some of them had already disappeared into the dark in couples to explore the novelties of the opposite sex. Sasuke, for one, was certainly not under the influence –he despised losing control of himself, especially in public –but Naruto had poured several mugs of mysterious liquid down his throat and was starting to waver slightly on his feet.

The years had done his friend good, a recent growth-spurt finally pushing him to stand a few centimetres taller than Sasuke –much to the shorter youth's chagrin. He had become more muscly too, and the scars on his cheeks had faded somewhat, no longer as visible as they once were. He was finishing up another cup, eyes glued to the group of girls standing a short distance away. One of the girls detached herself from the others and sauntered towards them on heels so high she had issues walking straight in them. They served their purpose, though, making her legs look long and shapely, and several boys watched her lustfully as she made her way to the two friends.

"Hi, Sasuke, Naruto." She greeted cheerfully, tossing her fountain of blonde hair and blinking slowly up at them. Yamanaka Ino was her name, and she knew what she was doing. She had been in their class since elementary school and at some point she hadn't been that different from Naruto. Puberty changed a lot, it seemed. There was no denying that she was very pretty, and although she might look like she was trying a tad bit too hard she was hardly insufferable as a person either. Sasuke was well aware that he should be ogling her just as much as the rest of the boys in their class –but somehow she didn't interest him. No one interested him anymore, as a matter of fact. Ever since the day his brother had left, nearly two years ago now, he had lost all curiosity towards people other than Naruto.

"Hi Ino", his best friend answered, his voice breaking slightly. Sasuke suppressed a chuckle; Naruto was clearly intoxicated and was swaying slightly towards Ino, his eyes roving along her long legs.

"Hi", he added in greeting to the blonde girl. He was never particularly chatty, and in recent times he had learned to be extra short when addressing girls –otherwise they got all sorts of ideas into their heads.

"You guys having fun?" Ino questioned; her voice darker than usual and her eyelashes fluttering unnecessarily. Sasuke shrugged.

"Sure are, right S'uke?" Naruto slurred, arching one eyebrow at his friend. How fun could a parking lot full of drunken teens be, really?

"Say, Naruto", said Ino, focusing her efforts on the boy who actually answered her, "can I ask you something?" Her eyes seemed to flicker in Sasuke's direction every other second, and the dark-haired boy noticed they looked somewhat glazed over, indicating that Ino wasn't exactly sober either.

"'course", said Naruto, smiling widely at her.

"Well, I've been wond'ring for years really…", she stumbled a little in her speech, "how'd you get those scars on your cheeks?" Sasuke felt himself tense, his mind exploding into unwanted imagery.

_Naruto's screams. The mad look in brown eyes as an eight-year old Sasuke clawed to get the bulky man **off**. Blood. Tears. Police and social services –again. Dull blue eyes looking right through him. His own desperate cries._

_**"Naruto! Dobe! Look at me! Naruto!"** _

"Naruto?" Sasuke snapped out of his reveries and saw his best friend do the same beside him. The blonde boy peered down at Ino, looking almost sober.

"Ah… accident. I was a clumsy kid." Ino giggled.

"Yeah, you were weren't you? Say, don't you boys wanna come over to us girls over there?" Her blue eyes fell on Sasuke, as if to emphasise that the invitation was mostly for him. He glanced at the blonde by his side and saw that the night had probably lost its charms for his friend.

"Ah, I think we're going home", he said to Ino, "maybe next time." The girl looked disappointed, but took it in stride; bidding them good night and waltzing off across the lot to her friends. Sasuke turned to face the half-drunk boy beside him. "You coming Naruto?" The blonde nodded, smiling a little and sidling up with Sasuke when he stared walking.

They left the gathering, strolling home through the unlit streets of Konoha. Naruto was still unsteady on his feet, but gradually sobered up in the cool darkness. A car sped past them, filled with older students who laughed and jeered through the windows of the rusty vehicle. As one, Naruto and Sasuke altered the direction of their steps, pacing through a small alley smelling heavily of garbage and urine and emerging on a narrow street that eventually brought them to the small park that had become their own. Ever since they had befriended one another on the bridge so many years ago they had made it somewhat of a habit to come there when they had nowhere else to be. Nowadays they always went there to talk –or avoid something.

"You alright?" Naruto asked softly. The shorter teen glanced over at him.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" He murmured. The blonde took a few steps onto the grass and stared down at the water, hands in his pockets.

"I'm fine, though, S'uke. It was a long time ago." The raven-haired boy walked up to stand beside him.

"Still", he said quietly, "it's hard to forget." Naruto looked over at him, a small smile on his face.

"It's fine. You were there to help me after all. And they're both way gone while you're still here." The blonde gave him a feeble –and utterly ridiculous –thumbs-up, as if to prove how unaffected he was by the whole ordeal. Sasuke wasn't fooled, though he was sure Naruto meant what he said. His honesty left a heated, squirmy feeling in the raven's abdomen and he couldn't seem to shake it. Naruto was always like that –so open and unflustered about his emotions. He had no problem putting into words what their friendship meant to him whilst Sasuke… well, he had still to comprehend for himself what part Naruto played in his life.

"Hn", he replied, to avoid having to answer the blonde, "you ruined your chance with Ino." Naruto looked him in the eye, grinning a little, and Sasuke noticed that the blue orbs still seemed hazy and although his best friend might have sobered up partially he was still tipsy.

"Nah", said Naruto good-naturedly, "'s not like she wanted me anyhow. She just wanted to get close to you. They all want that." Sasuke arched an eyebrow, a habit he had yet to lose, at the lack of bitterness in Naruto's voice. His blonde friend had always been annoyed at the extra attention Sasuke received, though he tried to hide it, and when they hit puberty that jealousy had multiplied when all the girls seemed to favour the dark-haired youth better. Now, however, there was no undertone of resentment, no sarcasm, not even a shadow of a frown.

"Hn. Like I'd be interested", he muttered darkly, "you seem quite keen on Ino, though, and it's not like she dislikes you." Naruto looked sceptical.

"Are you telling me to ask her out?" Sasuke shrugged.

"If you want to." He replied flatly. Naruto looked contemplative, something which almost only ever happened when they were alone and he felt no need to act as the happy jokester. Dark orbs watched while the taller boy let his head cock sideways in thought. He waited patiently for Naruto to reach the end of whatever chain of thoughts he had fallen into, until the blonde's eyes finally cleared, signalling his return to the life of the living. Without a word Naruto stepped forward and gripped his face in warm hands, slightly bigger than his own.

"What are you doing?" Sasuke asked curiously, staring up into endless blue eyes that hovered just above his own.

"I don't want to." Naruto replied, his breath ghosting across Sasuke's lips. It felt nice, and strangely exciting at the same time. Sasuke's brain seemed to burn into overdrive, unable to form any rational suggestions on what to do. He was frozen in place, his face cradled carefully in his best friend's hands.

"Don't want to what?", he breathed, his voice quiet yet carrying faultlessly across the short distance between them.

"Don't want to date Ino." Naruto answered, running his thumb across one of Sasuke's high cheekbones. The dark-haired boy managed to raise an eyebrow at the reply, smirking a little.

"Why not?" Naruto rarely got into this mood, but when he did it was an amazing transformation. The blonde suddenly exuded confidence and danger; and he was impossible to read. Strangely, Sasuke had always liked it, and at the moment he found that it not only humoured him, it excited him; set his skin and blood ablaze. He barely had time to form that thought before soft lips covered his own, tanned hands sliding down to rest on his neck. Sasuke had kissed a few times before, but never like this. It was sweet and rough, the feeling of a man's lips completely different somehow from a woman's. Here, Naruto was in control of the kiss, and he was more forceful than any girl could have been, and he tasted like punch and alcohol, Sasuke noticed absent-mindedly. Most importantly, however, was the spark that seemed to crawl up from the base of his spine to the top of his scalp, leaving a tingling trail through his limbs. He didn't even register that his eyes had closed until the kiss ended and he reopened them, looking straight into the ocean orbs of his best friend.

"That's why", the blonde murmured. He took a step back and morphed back into his usual self, fidgeting a bit and looking worriedly at Sasuke. "Listen, S'uke, I didn't… uh… I mean you don't…", he faltered, looking lost, "I don't wanna ruin our friendship, alright? I just wanted you to know." He grinned sheepishly and Sasuke resisted the urge to groan; how could a person make a one-eighty turn in two seconds like that? Maybe Naruto was bi-polar. No matter what, things weren't going where he wanted them to go, and he had to rectify that. Without a second thought given to consider the consequences of his actions, he took two steps forward, ending up chest-to-chest with the blonde.

"Dobe", he mumbled before crashing their lips together once more.

\---

The sounds from the highway were distant, the sound of the stereo tuned out of his head and replaced by his own heavy breathing and the groans and moans of the man beneath him. Naruto's car was neither new nor fancy, and the seats were worn out and harsh against his bare skin, but he ignored it in favour of the muscular chest of his lover, his brother, his ally in all things human. The blonde had grown up to be tall and muscular, a walking wet dream of tan skin, athletic build, sunshine tresses and azure eyes. And it was all his –in that moment and always. Sasuke smirked to himself, trailing kisses and bites down his lover's defined torso.

The suspension of the car groaned pathetically as he shifted to position himself above Naruto's dripping wet member. He slid down upon it slowly until the hard flesh was fully seated inside him, filling him to the brim. Sasuke moaned at the feeling of completion and the friction against his already prepared walls. He felt Naruto's strong hands grip his hips, his lover staring up at him through eyes of liquid lust.

"Move." Sasuke groaned at the command. He loved when Naruto's dominant side surfaced –coinciding usually with situations of sexual nature. Bracing himself with his hands on his lover's chest he lifted his body and pushed back down, Naruto thrusting his hips up to meet him. Up and down, slowly, sinfully unhurried. Thick, heated flesh slid in and out of him, pushing him gradually closer to oblivion. He hoisted himself up and changed the angle of his push downwards, searching for the increased pleasure he knew was waiting if he could just find-

_Oh god._

"Nnnn… Fuck", he moaned as Naruto's cock assaulted his prostate. The blonde beneath him growled impatiently, his grip on Sasuke's hips increasing as he picked up the pace, guiding the smaller man as he rose and fell.

"Mmm… like that do ya?" Naruto husked breathlessly. Sasuke stared down at him, eyes half closed and lips slightly parted. He felt his lover move, and suddenly found himself caught in Naruto's lap, the blonde man sitting up and placing his bare feet on the floor. Strong hands slid from his hips to his thighs, a hot mouth licking a trail up his throat, stopping at his ear. "Look at you", Naruto whispered, "spread out on my lap, taking me in. And you love it too, don'tcha?" Sasuke tried to glare at him, but it came out half-hearted through the lusty haze in his mind.

"Mmm… Hn", he hummed, clenching around his lover. Naruto grinned devilishly.

"Ride me, S'uke." It was all the incentive he needed. Picking up again with a furious pace he bobbed up and down in his lover's lap, his head hit the roof of the car but he couldn't be bothered to care. Naruto's hips were soon meeting him on the way down, pushing up to get even further inside, angled for the bundle of nerves inside him that made pleasure erupt every time it was brushed.

"Fuck…", he moaned again, "mother of… faster…", he closed his eyes, grinding down on Naruto's length, "harder…", he was so close… and yet it wasn't enough. With tremendous effort he opened his eyes, meeting his lover's gaze. "Naru", he commanded. "Fuck. Me."

Naruto happily obliged, awkwardly flipping them so Sasuke was laying down, his bare back pressed onto the back seat, his lover looming over him. All caution thrown aside Naruto pivoted into him, the pace unreasonable, the pleasure unbearable. His lover drove into him like a train, drilling his prostate relentlessly. Sasuke was beyond words, the only sounds escaping him breathless moans or wanton mewls. He threw his arms around Naruto's neck, pulling him down for at want to what? kiss as they neared the edge. One of the blonde's warm, rough hands sneaked in between them to stroke his own straining cock and then they were flying, a cascading whiteness swimming in the edges of his vision as he felt himself orgasm violently.

They collapsed on the seat, panting harshly. Naruto slid out of him and tried to fit both of them on the narrow substitute for a bed, and failing miserable. Sasuke snorted at the attempt, sitting up slowly and reaching for his jeans. The blonde mumbled something about sleep which he completely ignored, doing his best to wiggle into his pants despite the lack of space. He ignored the underwear completely –fuck if he could find them –and cranked the door open to step out of the vehicle.

They had parked on a piece of land some way from the highway. It was mostly used by the Konoha kids for car meets since the flat dirt made it easy enough to drive on. He stretched, revelling in the cool night air on his inflamed skin. His state of undress didn't bother him, since the closest part of civilisation was the road and in the dark he could only see the lights of the cars in the distance. They wouldn't be able to see him at all.

Satisfied in the way only sex can accomplish, he leaned against Naruto's rusty Ford and listened to the low music sprouting from the speakers. He dug through his pocket, extracting a box of lucky strike and fished one out, perching it between his lips and patting his other pocket in search of a lighter.

Naruto exited the car, also dressed only in jeans, making Sasuke's eyes fall to ravish his chest, a feeling of wicked contentment settling in him when he saw the marks he had produced earlier. The blonde walked over as Sasuke lighted his cigarette and stole the box from his hand, nicking one of the remaining cancer sticks and lighting it.

They stood in silence, staring into the dark surrounded by a cloud of nicotine smoke. It was comfortable though, they rarely needed words anymore. After ten years they had run out of small talk and settled instead for the complete understanding they could only give each other. Sasuke gazed ahead, barely discerning the shapes of rocks and trees a few metres from the car. How dark the world seemed. How cold and lonely. He glanced at Naruto. His lover stood tall beside him, relaxed against the car. He was light and warmth. A small smile played in the corners of Sasuke's mouth. Light and warmth.

\---

Sasuke's mind buzzed with unpleasant impulses, his limbs alive with fiery anger waiting to be released onto the world. Still, he couldn't let himself fall victim to his primal urges; he had more sense than that. He knew that no matter the circumstances, murder would mean a one way ticket to imprisonment.

"Fuck", he growled, kicking ferociously at an innocent rock by the sidewalk. His head throbbed, his mouth ablaze with the taste of iron and salt. He squinted into the darkness, barely distinguishing the figure of his old friend and their worn-out cars in the dusk. He didn't bother to greet him when he reached the vehicles –he was too angry, too broken. "Let's race", he commanded. Naruto's ocean eyes were fixed on him, wide with tension and poorly concealed concern.

"S'uke…", he replied quietly.

"What?" Sasuke snapped, glaring at his lover; daring him to challenge his request. A rough hand reached out to trace carefully across his sore cheek.

"Again?" He refused to reply. _Yes_ , again. And again and again and _again_. During the months since his mother's death he had learned that his former hell was a lukewarm fire in comparison to what it could've been. "S'uke", Naruto said again, "it has to stop. I can't…", his voice dropped so it was barely recognisable in the peaceful evening, "I can't stand seeing you like this." Sasuke recoiled, hitting the offending hand away from his face.

"Don't pity me, Naruto", he warned coldly.

"I'm not pitying you, teme. He can't keep doing this." Memories of less than an hour before flashed through his head, making him back away even further from the blonde.

"Shut up!" He hissed.

"Sasuke it's getting worse! What if he goes too far one day, huh? What if you can't get away? Are you just gonna-"

_He knew from the moment Fugaku stepped through the door that thing would turn out bad. His father's black eyes glittered with malice and unrestrained anger underneath the cloudy haze of intoxication. He rose from the armchair he had curled up in to do his homework, edging towards the corridor leading to his room –to temporary safety._

"…let him hurt you…"

_"Where're you goin'?" Fugaku slurred, wobbling slightly as he walked towards him. He froze, endless repetition making his body remember, anticipate what was to come. The memories paralysed him. He should run, but he couldn't move, he should fight but he couldn't bring himself to lift a finger as the first punch hit him squarely in the jaw._

_"You leavin' too?" His father growled, raising his fist again. "You think you can jus' run away, huh?" He brought his arms up, desperately shielding himself from the blows. Praying Fugaku would tire and collapse soon, praying he could find a way out. His body had ceased listening, as it always would, only his mind awake to reel the same thoughts over and over._

"…why you're staying…"

_His father's eyes were blank in the dim light of the dinky living room as he hit him again and again._

_"Why are you still here, Sasuke?"_

"I said _shut up_!" Sasuke yelled. Naruto shut his mouth quickly. "Let's race." Sasuke bit out through gritted teeth. He didn't wait for an answer but walked over to his car, opening the door with trembling fingers and sliding to rest on the uncomfortable seat.

He heard Naruto's car revving to life noisily as he steered out onto the road. As soon as he felt the car speeding up and watched the asphalt of the empty road flashing past underneath him the weight of the last few hours finally left him. For just a short while he was free again, he could go wherever he wanted, do whatever he pleased. He put his foot down, urging the vehicle on under his breath while he turned left unto the straight road that the local teens referred to as 'the track'. It was rarely used by anyone other than youths racing their shitty second-hand cars against one another.

Faster. Faster.

During this inkling of an instant in time he would be weightless. He would be in control of his own life, his own fate. And when the anger and adrenalin had faded they would stop in the middle of nowhere and make love until the sun rose. The thought warmed the icy shell of despair and repulsion his father had created in him. Soon, soon he and Naruto would be done here. The moment they graduated they would leave, take their cars and what little they had managed to save up and never come back. Only a few months now.

Faster. _Faster_.

He watched as Naruto's car sidled up with his own, the blonde catching his eye through the window. He made a gesture; Sasuke knew what it meant. 'Slow down.'

 _'Not yet.'_ Sasuke's mind screamed at him. He needed to go further, faster. The bruises on his face and limbs stung angrily. He had to forget them, had to have the roaring danger of the moment drown them, had to reach the point of no return.

The world was a blur outside his window; the only recognisable thing was himself –and Naruto and his rusty, orange car. The blonde stopped gesturing at him, accelerating instead to pass him. Sasuke knew what he would do –what he always did when the speed was almost out of hand. The moment the orange monstrosity settled in front of him it would force him to slow down until they reached the limit, it would be the end of his amnesia, and the return of the grey mass which was his world.

Naruto's car was half-way past his when it happened. The blinding lights, the screeching tires. Time slowed down as the orange car skidded off the road, wild black marks following the refusing tires.

He had no idea how he managed to stop his own car, or how long or fast he ran to get back to the scene. He could never recall what the other driver had said to him. The world had been mute, soundless. It made the smells and sights overwhelming. Burnt rubber and gasoline. Fire. Fire. Endless fire and heat. Crushed metal burning in the night. And then the noise returned to the world; the sound of screaming flames, of the truck driver's panicked yells. And Naruto –Naruto crying out from within the living hell in front of him.

He graduated as early as he could and left town weeks before he and Naruto would have. He didn't say goodbye to his father, nor did he visit his mother's resting place. But he did go see Naruto's grave, new and unblemished –barely five months old. No one had been willing to pay for it but him so it was quite small; but it had still cost him all of his savings. Not that they were much to begin with. He stood there for hours, trying to lift himself from the state of frozen denial in which he had been swimming the past months.

He couldn't. He still left. He still promised to be back.

\---

He left for the big city by train, having sold his car, with nothing but a bag and a backpack of supplies. Perhaps this was how his brother had left so many years ago, but he doubted it; doubted that Itachi would have left without a solid plan.

How he got through the first few months was a mystery to him. He was an empty shell, no longer carrying any semblance of human emotion. He managed to find himself a place to stay –some dingy little apartment –and work as a bartender in the pub downstairs. It wasn't much, but he didn't need much. He worked, he ate, he slept. He drank to forget the pain. It was nowhere near living, and he was nowhere near alive.

Change came like spring, nearly a year since he had arrived in the bustling city. A man offered him much better work –a bartender position in one of the most prestigious nightclubs in the city. _'I like your looks'_ , he said, _' **Hebi** could use someone like you.'_

Orochimaru was the kind of man Naruto would have told him to keep a long distance away from, but he paid well, and he was not as insane or eerie as people often believed. Sasuke learnt a lot working with him, about people, about the world, about trust and loyalty. He remembered things too. Working at Hebi he became a part of the world again and found people he might even consider his friends. He remained empty, remained in a state where the future held no hope, no promises, but he found the present slightly more bearable.

Slowly, surely, the endless present dulled the pain. The fresh wound became an aching scar in his soul. He came to understand that despite the crashing collapse of his reality, the world moved on without him. He was but a pebble in a rocky mountain-range, a thread in a giant tapestry. And no one but him had even stopped to notice that the thread with which he had always been entwined was gone.

\---

He had been in the city for more than three years when he saw him. Slowly, the world around him had rebuilt itself from the rubble and he was functioning again. He could see a small light in the future, a small flare of hope in his chest. Still his past weighed on him like a wet blanket, suffocating him.

And that was when he saw him.

Tauyaya and Karin, two of the waitresses at _Hebi_ , and his fellow bartender Suigetsu had coaxed him into going drinking with them, to celebrate that they –for once –had a day off. It was nearing two in the morning when he had finally managed to escape and was walking hurriedly along the murky streets towards the subway station.

He was across from him on the busy square which sported a number of bus-stops and junk food shops, and he recognised him instantly despite the many years since he last saw the man.

Sasuke followed him without a thought, trailing him through the crowded roads and narrow pathways. It took them nearly twenty minutes to reach the run-down apartment-complex which was apparently his target's destination. He followed him inside, found his name taped to a rough wooden door on the third floor and knocked. He didn't know what compelled him to do it –to follow him, to reveal himself –but as soon as the door opened and he came face to face with his brother for the first time in nine years he was torn between punching the man and crying helplessly into his shirt.

He did neither. He simply walked past him into the apartment. It was tiny and ragged and it was apparent that it housed only Itachi. There were few personal items, and no television or radio. He turned to face his only living brother.

"So." He said. Itachi looked at him with haunted eyes. He had followed Sasuke into the small living-room with attached kitchenette. Sasuke had to admit: he didn't look good. He was much thinner than the younger brother could ever remember him being and his skin held a sickly pallor.

"Sasuke", said Itachi softly. His voice was just as Sasuke recalled it, and he once more had the overwhelming urge to throw himself at his brother, to either hit or embrace him. He pushed it down.

"Why?" He asked instead, asking the one question which had possessed him since that fateful summer day when he was twelve. The day he lost a brother and gained another. Itachi was silent for a long while before replying.

"I was selfish." He said. "I convinced myself you would be alright without me."

"How could I?" Sasuke asked quietly. "You were my only protection."

"You had Naruto." Itachi replied. Sasuke felt an icy wind mar his bones at the words. He met his brother's dark gaze. "You've found someone who can support and protect you as much as I." Itachi continued.

"So you left."

"Yes."

A tumbling storm of disappointment tore through Sasuke, making him almost keel over at the force of it. Somewhere in his heart he had still nurtured the tiny hopeful thought that his brother might have had some gallant, unselfish reason for his disappearance. At Itachi's words that last shard of hope was shattered and his last semblance of childish belief was mutilated.

"Then I have no business here", Sasuke said coldly, "you might want to know, though, that mother is dead. Suicide. She was never the same after you left." Itachi nodded slowly.

"I already knew." He replied. "Before you leave, though, I have something of yours." He walked over to one of the two doors which Sasuke assumed led to the bedroom and bathroom. It creaked when he opened it and revealed a miniscule room, housing little more than a small bed and a bedside table. Sasuke followed him inside and watched as he pulled the drawer right out of the table, emptied it on the bed and cracked open the bottom to reveal a concealed layer. Out of it he pulled an envelope which he held out to Sasuke without a word.

The contents of it were mindboggling, and if it wasn't for his brother's solemn face he would have considered it a terrible joke.

"What the hell is this?" He snapped. Itachi slowly started refilling the drawer.

"I meant to give it to you at your graduation, but you had already gone. I had no way to find you… father told me that you had left a few weeks earlier. He also told me about mother." His older brother paused. "He seems to have gotten a lot worse." Sasuke glared at him.

"Why would you come back for my graduation? And if you have this kind of money, why would you live like this?" He didn't understand. And he had no idea how Itachi had been able to save up to such an amount in only six years –he knew how little was to spare when one lived on their own and Itachi didn't look like he had hit a gold streak. The only plausible ways for him to have earned that much was too horrendous to consider, so he didn't. Itachi replaced the drawer and straightened up to look him in the eye.

"It's money for university", he said, "I meant to give them to you when you graduated, but I'll give them to you now. Get an education and leave the world we grew up in for good." Sasuke gripped the envelope in his hands, much as he had gripped the letter of farewell nine years ago. Itachi shifted slightly on his feet, giving Sasuke a view of the top of the small table for the first time. The rest of the room was impeccable tidy and void of decorations, just as the living room, but there, perched atop the bedside table was a single photo. It showed two small boys, one giving the other a piggy-back. They had been six and twelve years old when the photo was taken, and both had been smiling happily –not into the camera, but at each-other.

A lump grew in Sasuke's throat.

"Naruto died." It was the first time he had ever said it out loud. "It was my fault." He looked down at the envelope in his hands. "Thank you, aniki." He turned around and left the apartment.

\---

He trailed his fingers over the cold grey stone, already tarnished by the years. In the edges of his mind the memories played of the night seven years prior when he had been collapsed on the highway watching the rusty car engulfed by flames. He recalled people in uniforms trying to pull him away while he resisted, madly trying to reach while sobbing uncontrollably:

_'I'm sorry, I'm sorry'._

He put the bouquet down, the orange flowers looking terribly out of place in the dull colours of the graveyard. It suited Naruto, he thought, a flash of colour in a dreary world.

"Hey dobe", he whispered, "I'm back." The only answer he received was the wind rustling through the dead leaves. "It's been another year… I'm better now. Better than before at least. I'm doing fine in University and I've made some… friends. At least they insist on calling themselves that. I still prefer being alone, but I know you'd punch me if I showed up in the afterlife without having made a single friend in life."

He sat down on the frozen ground, staring at the slab of stone he had paid for nearly seven years ago.

"I've been seeing Itachi more this year… I've forgiven him. Sort of anyway. He sacrificed a lot for me." He fell silent, pondering what he had learnt of his brother of the last years.

The wind rippled through the trees and wormed its way under his thick jacket, but he ignored it. For hours he sat there, talking about the past year, all the things that had happened, all the people he had met and places he had seen.

"I was in Rome", he said, "you would have loved it there. Lots of happy, sunny people in a happy, sunny country. And the food was brilliant. I took lots of photos, but I forgot them at home. I'll show them to you next year…"

He didn't stop until the sun was sinking below the horizon and the cold had made his limbs stiff and his fingers red. He stood then, and said his last goodbyes before walking off down the gravel walk towards the massive iron gates. People had come and gone in the graveyard during the day, but now it was empty again, bereft of all warm bodies save his own.

He walked through the gates, along the road towards the bus-stop. Half-way there he stopped. It was an urge, a sudden idea, which made him do what he had never done on his way from the graveyard before. He turned around and gazed up, through the iron opening at the hill covered in silent stony guardians. There, in the mist of the gathering evening, stood a seventeen year-old boy with sunshine hair and ocean eyes. His hands were in the pockets of his loose orange hoodie, and his eyes glittered mischievously. He grinned the grin that Sasuke knew so well, and mouthed two sentences. No sound carried to his ears, but the older man heard him just as well. He remembered the coarse voice in his head as if he had heard it only yesterday.

_"It was a long time ago. It's time to move on, S'uke."_

Sasuke smiled the smallest of smiles, and turned again to walk away.

\---

_The man lost in his memories had not noticed the sun rising in the sky as the hours passed him by, and he had not seen nor heard the people which came and went around him. He was immersed in a world of the past, and very few could awaken him, here at the centre of his recollections._

_"Dad?" The man looked up, his eyes searching the area around him for the one whom had called out. The man who had addressed him was walking briskly through the rows of stony graves towards him. He was younger, a man in his early thirties, but he carried features much similar to the older man, though he carried a look of confusion on his face rather than one of painful recollections._

_"What are you doing here, Madara?" The father asked quietly when his son reached him._

_"We are visiting Hinata's parents", Madara explained, pointing to a beautiful woman waiting by the main road, a small child in her arms. "Since we're visiting you and mom, we thought we might as well go see their graves, and grandma and grandpa's too. We're not in Konoha very often after all…", he looked worriedly at his father, "we would have told you but… you always disappear early in the morning on the 23rd. Is this where you go?" The older man didn't answer, but looked instead down at the stone by his feet. His son looked at it too, reading the words which had been carved into it many decades ago._

_**Uzumaki Naruto** _

_**October 10th 1991 – November 23rd 2008** _

_**Always Loved** _

_**Never Forgotten** _

_"1991… the same year as you", Madara remarked quietly, "was he a friend of yours?" The old man didn't answer at first, but just stared at the words with unseeing eyes._

_"A brother", he replied at last. There was a strange light in his eyes._

_"I never knew", Madara told him, "nor does mom. I asked her when I was younger." His father didn't answer him. He put a hand on the man's shoulder. "Are you staying much longer?" The old man shook his head silently and bent down to place the orange flowers on the grave._

_"I will accompany you." He said. His son nodded and started towards his wife. His father lingered another minute._

_"Goodbye, dobe", he whispered, "I'll see you next year."_

_The old man, his son, daughter-in-law and grandson walked together through the iron gates. Half-way down the road the man stopped and turned around. His family did the same, but only he could see the seventeen year-old boy with sunshine hair and ocean eyes, grinning merrily from beyond the fence._

**Author's Note:**

> Additional facts:  
> 1\. Naruto was never adopted and moved from foster-home to foster-home during his entire life, most of which were abusive or negligent. He had to use the pocket-knife more than once.  
> 2\. Sasuke’s mother was mentally ill even before Itachi’s departure, but when he left her medication no longer worked and she turned to drugs to ease the pain. In the end she overdosed, though it was impossible to tell whether it was intentional.  
> 3\. Sasuke’s dad died from liver-failure when Sasuke was twenty-three. His own childhood was not very different from Sasuke’s.  
> 4\. Itachi –who loved his brother endlessly –moved to the big city to earn money for his brother’s education. The only way he could earn enough without resorting to severe crime was through prostitution. When Sasuke meets him again, he is HIV-positive.  
> 5\. Sasuke lived to see his 87th birthday, had two children, three grandchildren and a loving wife. He and his wife Sakura, whom he met in University, moved back to his home-city of Konoha when they retired. By then the city had grown to nearly four times the size it had when he left.  
> 6\. Had Naruto lived, he and Sasuke would have been together until they died of old age.


End file.
